Fatalcrash

Instuctions: Remove one question and replace it with your own.
Tag 8 people, list 'em out at the end of the post!
Notify 'em through their tagboard that they've been tagged.

1. What do you hear now?
My girlfriend on the phone with me.

2. What do you want the most now?:
I want more time to do the things I enjoy.

3. If there was one thing- just one thing in the world that you could have, what would it be?:
Better relations with people around me.

4. Do you hate your friends sometimes?:
Yup. Hate them all the time. Mark of a good friend is someone you hate but can't bear to leave.

5. Where do you think will be the place where you wanna be last seen?:
In a sex shop when I'm buying stuff with her.

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?:
Technically, rainbows do tend to appear after rain. I don't know why I need to believe anything.

7. What impossible things you would wish to do?:
I would live in a fictional world.

8. What are your greatest phobias?:
Ah, geez, there are so many. Losing her, getting injured, bugs, fruits, heights, vegetables, being forced to eat any of the above when going for dinner at her house... to name just a few.

9. Have you broken someone's heart that he/she tried to commit suicide?:
Not yet, and I pray it never happens.

10. What if your crush asked you out?:
Pfft. She has.

11. Do you think the English in this tag is atrocious?
Why, as a matter of fact, yes. (Relax, I'm only kidding. Hlaf-kidding, that is.)

12. What feeling do you hate the most?:
Being criticized. Which is bad, because I keep asking to be criticized.

13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?:
Yes. Friendships are both an investment and resource.

14. What are you looking forward to in the coming weeks?:
Making ou- Uh. More time with her?

15. Who do you hope to be always there for you?:
Well DUH. Try to guess.

16. List words that describe you?:
Lazy, chubby, boring, pessimistic, cynical, impulsive, direct, meticulous, stubborn, sideburned, gamer, emo, writer-in-training

17. What do you want to be in future?
Published short fiction/novel writer.

18. When do you plan to settle down?:
I am settled down. My problem is everyone keeps trying to stir things up again.

19. What will you be if given a chance?
Married? Not a virgin? OH! OH! A writer!

20. 8 tagged people:
You. You who have read this.

I feel so stupid, and in pain. I'm being selfish, and I know that I am.

I had a rough night. My girlfriend's getting a tattoo at a convention next year, something which I desperately hoped would not happen. She's also got a posting as Sub-committee leader of her culture club.

I should be happy for her.

But I can't bring myself to be. Her posting means I'll see her less. Her tattoo... Well, you wouldn't let an artist take a marker and go over your favourite painting with it, would you? But it's so selfish of me to see it that way, and that's the reason for my rough night.

While I was confronting myself on these two accounts, I decided that I was wrong. I got angry at myself, the same way I always do, and it made me feel sick to the core. I wanted to curl up and cry, if I could have. It would probably have made me feel better.

Gods, I'm being so damned stupid.

I talked to her, like I always did, and I talked to Nakross as well. Didn't really help me as much as I would have liked, but it helped anyway. I need to be strong and keep myself in line. I need to keep her words in mind and stop trying to protect her from the things she enjoys.

She said she did love me. I just have trouble remembering that sometimes.

I had a dream when I went to sleep. I got shot twice in the leg, and there was no help to be found. For some reason, I became good friends with the robber who shot me while he was waiting for me to call an ambulance. The ambulance never got there.

My Creative Writing class ended last week. I'll miss it.

It was fun. Definitely one of the best classes I've had all year round. It gave me a reason to write more than I normally would, and now I have two good, quality pieces of work that I can be proud of. Discipline to write is a lot easier to conjure up when your marks depend on it. Makes me almost wish that I had CW class all the time.

It's not the end, though. With a bit of luck, I should be able to keep the steam going. My lecturer's already told me that I'm welcome to send any writing I do to her for criticism. That should put me on the way to improving myself. I'm not the class' best writer, but I'm one of the better ones, if my lecturer is to be trusted. Way to boost my stupid ego, Miss.

I'm a bit conflicted on that point, actually. I think it stems from my desire to be the best among my peers. I get frustrated when this isn't the case, so I tend to go over my mistakes and assign blame. This blame, of course, usually falls on others. Don't get me wrong, I blame myself as well. It's just that when I'm to blame, I accept it as being a lack of better judgement, but when others are responsible, I believe it due to incompetence.

That's egoistic and I know it, but can you blame me? I always find my group projects hindered by the rest in the group. There's never a real leader in the team, and when there is, the group usually refuses to listen to him or her. Democracy is always less efficient than dictatorship. Only thing I find good about group work is the extra help and ideas, and even that can be too much or little at times.

Moving on, I've just gone for both of my two other classes, Animation Fundamentals and Multimedia Fundamentals.

AniFund first up. The lecturer's a flip (here's to you, Nakross) who's got absolutely no idea how to manage people. He walked in, got us to sit in front of him and told us how horrible the subject was going to be, and how we'd better leave if we couldn't take it.

Yeah. Great job, moron. Make us hate your lessons before we even start. Look, you've even got a stupid little monotone going on so we'll all fall asleep too! Oh, and now you're telling us to call you Mr? And giving us house rules stricter than most other lecturers? And you're asking us why we look bored and aren't talking to you? Didn't you just tell us you weren't our friend?

Here's a clue, stupid. You just walked into a class of starry-eyed students and made them all hate you. You want a answer from us? How's about you take your fat face and slam it into a wall?

At least he's got the right ideas about learning. He needs to bond with us, not dump info and push us aside. The way he treats us now, you'd think he was lecturing a class of condoms. And at least condoms are appreciated.

Multimedia Fundamentals was a joke as well. The lecturer looks young enough to be our classmate, which isn't that bad a thing. The problem is she's as scatterbrained and clueless as the rest of us. Nothing much else to report, actually. Her class was only an hour long, and that hour was mostly spent figuring out what to do next.

Hopefully, I'll have a better impression of these two by the end of the week. If not, well... You can't lose something you never had.

Is anyone else completely psyched for Coraline? I've never actually read the book, but it looks awesome so far.

And now, a tag. (Oh thanks, Wolfool.)

1] Post these rules.
2] Each tagged person should post 8 facts of themselves.
3] Tagged people should write a journalblog about these facts.
4] In the end tag and name 8 people.
5] Go to their dA pages and comment saying that they are tagged.

8 facts about me:
1] I'm a total coward. Stuff not being there freaks me out.
2] I relate well to Trekkie Monster, because we're both perverts.
3] I absolutely, positively hate pop music. Unless it sounds like Techno.
4] I actually like Techno and Rap. Not all of them, but still...
5] Since getting a girlfriend, all of my dreams have had her in them one way or another.
6] I like being wrong. Unless I told you I was going to be right.
7] I don't write half as much as I'd like to. I want a laptop.
8] I like being half a flip. Or Filipino, as everyone except Nakross calls them.

If you read this, you're tagged. Also, my throat is fine again!

I'm headed to the clinic to get my throat checked out, which has been causing me a lot of grief over the pass few days and spoiling my mood (simultaneously spoiling Potatobandit's and Nakross' outings with me. Sorry!) Hopefully there they'll at least shed a little light on whatever the fuck's going on with my throat.

In other news, after three weeks of writing story after story, my brain has decided that it's had enough of me and has totally decided to block itself. Which is perfect timing, since I need to come up with a short story for my class.

I've been stressing over what to write over the pass week as well. I've come up with two stories so far, 'Tree' and 'Lucidity', but neither of them seem to be very good. I've got a bit of time left to compensate, but I can't help feeling this isn't going away any time soon. Hopefully my lecturer (somehow) will think that these two stories are pure gold, even despite my own distaste for them.

They've got good ideas in them. It's just that I can't really map out the plots as well as I'd like. We'll see what my lecturer thinks when I get a reply.

Also I wrote TWO haikus. No, you can't see them. For serious.